I was in Manchester the other day. I began to get thirsty so I went to the local pub. I asked the bartender for a "Budweiser or a Carling?" The bartender replied."We're out of both."

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

I'm a Manchester City supporter and I find that funny. Hahahahahaha!

Hoho

Nice one! I got a few I found online.  They are just jokes mind you...

UNITED

1. How do you confuse a Man U fan? Show him a map of Manchester.

2. What do United fans and Mushrooms have in common? They both have big heads and live in s**t!

3. What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?  The Man U fan is a real d*ck.

CITY

1. What’s the similarity between Manchester City and a 3-Pin Plug? They’re both F@cking useless in Europe!

CHELSEA

Snow White, Silvester Stallon and Osama Bin Laden are having a conversation.

Snow White says “Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know?”
Stallon says “I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know?”
Bin Laden says “Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know?”

Snow White says “Let’s go and see the wise man!” So off they go.
Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on.”
Stallon goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived.”

Osama goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “Who the fu*k is this John Terry character then?“

SPURS

1. Why do people take an instant dislike to Spurs ?  It Saves time!

2. Why is The Spurs Keeper Gay? Because he has 10 Bums in front of him and 10 Thousand Pricks behind! 

1. I was up at Spurs and decided to get a cup of tea from the burger van, I asked the guy if he could rustle me up a cup or a mug, and he replied: “Sorry mate no cups, they’re all at Arsenal, and the mugs are on the pitch!” 

4. A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment!

5. Haringey Council have refused Tottenham Hotspur a new stadium on Northumberland Park,. When asked why, they said, ” Its ok to have a funfair once a year, but a circus every 2 weeks was taking the piss!”

BARCA

1. A kid goes into a football outlet and asks the owner: “I would like to buy an official FC Barcelona kit. Do you have any?”And the store owner replies: “Which one? The team's or the referee's?

MADRID

1. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?  They had pictures of Madrid players on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on!

ARSENAL

Arsene Wenger was spotted working at a restaurant in Barcelona. When asked about the incident, he revealed that it was the only way he could get close to any silverware.

here is mine: not a Manchester United joke though

Man comes to the library...

Man: Hello, Do you have the book of "REAL MADRID, THE CHAMPION?"
Librarian: Oh I am sorry, fairy tales are on the 2nd floor. 
XD

Liverpool to Newcastle United:

Liverpool: Hi lads, how much for Carroll? 
Newcastle: 35 million...lol just joking
Liverpool: Done.

another one

Chelsea have signed a new striker from Nigeria. 

On his first day of training, Ancelotti picked up the ball and said 'BALL' then pointed at the goal and said 'Goal. Then he demonstrated a kicking motion and said 'Kick' understand, 'Kick ball, goal, GOOOOOAAAALLL!' 

Eventually the young African plucks up courage to say "Excuse me Mr Ancelotti but I speak very good English", to which Ancelotti replies ' Sit down son, I'm talking to Torres.

ancelotti??? you mean andre villas boas -_- ancelotti left u stupid barca fan

i got a joke about barca :

A kid goes into a soccer store and asks the owner: “I would like to buy an official FC Barcelona jersey. Do you have any?”And the store owner replies: “Which one? The team jersey or the referee’s jersey?”

got another one :

In a class, the teacher is asking everyone what jobs their parents have.

Teacher to Kid: And what does your dad do?

Jimmy: He’s a stripper in a gay bar and often lets other men touch his privates.

After class, Teacher takes Jimmy to one side.

Teacher: Is that true about your dad?

Jimmy: No, he plays FC Barcelona but I was too embarrassed to say...

joke man u:

Hey guys,united won't win Europa League.

-Only if they buy torres and carrol

-Who cares?Ferguson is a piece of shit,the only think he knows to do is to buy foolish keepers!

• Well,before talking about Europe League,we will look at man u finishing 15 th of EPL.

• Howcome?

-Rooney's chick will be the keeper! At least fans will be happy !

I got a joke:
Son: Dad Real Madrid just won the tenth champions league!!! 
Dad: Oh, son! switch off the playstation and go to make the homework! 

LOL good jokes here!

What has ten arms and an IQ of four? Man Citys sub bench
What do you call 20 Man City Fans skydiving from an aeroplane? Diahorrea

Whats the similarity between Manchester United and a 3-pin plug?
They're both useless in Europe.

@CR7skillz last time i checked Fernando Torres was bought by Ancelotti =.=!... You stupid REAL MADRID FAN.... and you cant take a JOKE...hahahaha you are the biggest JOKER here IRAQI FAN

What is the difference between Arsenal and a cup of tea? - The tea stays in the cup longer!

HAHA here is one barca joke 

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, “Oh Lord when will Tottenham stop buying the refs?”

God Replies, “In the next five years.”

“But I’ll be dead by then,” says the man.

The second one asks, “Oh Lord, when will Juventus stop buying the refs?”

The Good Lord – answers, “In the next ten years.”

“But I’ll be dead by then,” says the man.

The third one asks, “Oh Lord when will Barcelona stop buying the refs?”.

God answers, “I’ll be dead by then!”

@Tuanis, hahahahahah best joke ever, i nearly pissed my pants haha 

and a joke about ramos and arsenal..
I sympathize arsenal but i think it is funny..
BREAKING NEWS! Sergio Ramos has agreed to sign for Arsenal. He doesn't ever want to be in position where he could damage a trophy again