Hi everyone. It’s ya boi, Lodatz.

So, I felt inspired to write some long-winded articles, because I've gathered that there’s something of a consensus among some contributors to FootyRoom’s forum that England are, well, perennial flops, and that this is the DNA of our football. Oh, and that we lack flair and intelligence, of course, can’t forget that, not to mention the fact that when teams cheat against us or when the ref makes a bad call, this is merely evidence of the English not knowing how to deal with the dashing cunning of more worldly football.

Of course, that’s pretty insulting, but I’m not writing here to complain about that. Instead, I think it would be better to simply show why I think this isn’t true. In fact, I would go so far as to say that by and large our track record in living memory has been to perform quite well, and usually end up taking eventual finalists and champions to penalty shoot-outs, often without the services of players who have been sent off.

England do indeed usually go home disappointed, but also quite often with a lot of pride, and far more regularly than one might think, grounds to feel aggrieved. So, saddle up for a parade of whiny English excuses as I delve into the (recent-ish) history of the England national team, starting with:

Mexico ‘86: Hand of God

So, the reason I start here, is because I must start somewhere, and for me something like 1966 is beyond living memory for most people, myself included. Any point at which I start is going to be arbitrary, so I’m choosing 1986 because it is still around the time-frame of living memory, and perhaps far more importantly, it’s the first World Cup England played in since the Heysel disaster, the consequences of which severely impacted English football for the following two decades.

After Heysel, in 1985 English clubs were banned from European competition for 5 years; competitions these clubs had been dominating for the previous 10 seasons. We had played well internationally, too, in Spain ‘82, going unbeaten in the tournament despite playing eventual finalists West Germany (0-0) and Spain (0-0) themselves, plus defeating Platini’s semi-finalist France (3-1) in the first round. As a result, the lead-up going into 1986 was a test of England’s footballing strength and honour after the shadow cast upon it from the disaster.

England only sorta showed up.

In the first round they lost to Portugal (1-0), failed to defeat Morocco (0-0), but by the time they beat Poland (3-0) they seemed to have gotten their act together. Next up was Argentina, and the growth of a very heated footballing rivalry.

For some context, the United Kingdom and Argentina had actually been at war less than 4 years beforehand in the Falklands conflict of 1982, so there were already ample reasons for tension between the two nations. Both treated football as their national pride, and so there was a lot riding on the line for both teams. Both had World Cup pedigree, and had met before in unfriendly circumstances, and in Diego Maradona Argentina boasted one of the greatest players to have ever lived.

He certainly ended up making a difference, scoring two of the most famous goals of his generation, but for two very different reasons.

His second, a magnificent solo goal named by some to be the Goal of the Century, saw him take the ball past most of the England team from the half-way line; a feat echoed nearly touch for touch by a youn Lionel Messi against Getafe over 20 years later. It’s simply stunning, and a worthy tribute to one of the greatest footballing talents the world has ever known.

But his first, was a handball. And he knew it. And when the England players pleaded with the ref to listen, he lied to the ref and said that it was his head. And he came out the next day, after the video footage showed him to be lying, and said it was the Hand of God guiding him to victory.

AND, since Gary Lineker, the tournament’s top scorer managed to grab a goal back later, it’s perhaps a little hard to deny that this undeniably won Argentina the game. A game which would have been 1-1 if not for El Diego cheating. Who knows what could have happened? Argentina went on to win the World Cup.

One thing is for sure: this was no ‘flop’ by England. I’m going to start a few tallies: A) number of times England were knocked out by an eventual winner, B) number of times it was an eventual finalist, C) number of times an incorrect decision contributed to our defeat, and D) number of times there was a controversial red card which changed the game. We’re already off the mark with:

A = 1
B = 1
C = 1
D = 0

Italy '90: Penalty Heartbreak I

Thought of by many as one of the greatest World Cup tournaments of all time, for England it was another chance to prove our worth on the world stage. 1990 was the year our clubs’ ban from UEFA was to be lifted, so this was a chance to celebrate that return with style.

In Paul Gascoigne was had an incredibly talented creative forward, bolstered by Gary Lineker, who in the meantime had won the Copa del Rey and UEFA Cup with Barcelona (also scoring a hat-trick against Real Madrid), so we were looking good going forward. We also had Chris Waddle (3 league titles and a CL final with Olympique Marseilles) and other solid players who to make us a nicely balanced XI. In qualifying, we had scored 10 goals in 6 games, and conceded none, so had every reason to believe we had what it took to succeed in Italy.

It’s easier said than done, however. We drew 1-1 in our initial game against the Republic of Ireland, in a good-natured but passionate game (Ireland coached by famous Englishman Jackie Charlton), and then drew against the Netherlands in our second. This is the Netherlands of Gullit, Rijkaard, van Basten and Koeman, just so we understand, the pioneers of modern Total Football, and yet England held them to a 0-0. We finally beat Egypt 1-0 in our final game, and made it through to the knockout phases again.

In the Round of 16 we faced Belgium, who took us to extra time, but we got the winner in 119th minute. Wiping our brow we moved on to our next challenge in the QFs against a talent Cameroon team. Once again, we went to extra time, but got a winner to make it 3-2, and marched on to face our old friends West Germany…

Once again, the teams couldn’t be separated by 90 minutes, and this time by 120 minutes either, taking them into a penalty shoot-out, which we then lost. Heartbreak for us, elation for the Germans, and they marched on to the final, where they became winners of the World Cup for a third time.

Nothing untoward in any of this, and England had performed well, once again restoring the honour of English football.

A = 2
B = 2
C = 1
D = 0

USA '94: God It Was Awful

We flopped hard in qualifying rounds, and thus didn’t even make it to the States in 1994. This was a dark time for English football, and we do not speak of it.

Turns out the tournament was pretty fab, though, and Brazil reclaimed their throne at the top of world football.

France '98: Penalty Heartbreak II, and Seeing Red I

We were hopeful of a much better showing this time, because of our own growth as a side in the years leading up to it. England had hosted the 1996 Euros, defeating the Netherlands (4-1) scraped by on penalties past Spain in the QFs, only to lose on penalties to, you guessed it, West Germany again in the SFs. Shearer took Golden Boot in that tournament, and was now in his prime in 1998, while Sheringham was having a swansong, and we’d seen the emergence of David Beckham as one of the world’s most exciting young talents.

In addition to this, Paul Scholes was coming of age, and we had another young prospect by the name of Michael Owen. He had shown glimpses of his quality already at the tender age of 18, and was billed as something truly special for the future also. Little did anyone know how he would announce himself…

In qualifying we had done well, only losing one game to Italy (1-0), and started the First Round well, beating Tunisia (2-0). Then, however, we were beaten by a talented Romania (2-1) before coming back to beat Colombia (2-0) and ensure progress to the next round. And there we met another of our old nemeses: Argentina.

This was a new Argentina, no longer propped up by just Maradona’s brilliance, and instead now boasted the likes of Batistuta, Crespo, Zanetti, Simeone, Ayala, Veron, Ortega and so on; they were on paper one of the favorites for the tournament. After 6 minutes, the South Americans won a penalty, and Batistuta made no mistake from the spot. 1-0.

But then, only a couple of minutes later, Michael Owen charged at the Argentina defense, winning a penalty for England, too! Shearer stepped up and slotted home, and we were level again. 1-1. And then, well, then Michael Owen did this…

Perhaps not quite as incredible as Maradona’s in ’86, but nonetheless the goal of the tournament, and an announcement to the world of what Owen could do. The South Americans were stunned, and tackles became rougher and rougher in the middle of the park. Diego Simeone clattered David Beckham heavily to the ground, conceding a foul (and a yellow card), only for a young, hot-headed Beckham to do something very stupid.

As Beckham kicked out petulantly in response to Simeone’s rough-housing, Simeone fell over like he’d been hit with a lead pipe, and the referee decided to eject the Manchester United midfielder. England were down to 10 men, and it was only the first half; in stoppage time Zanetti pulled back a goal from a clever free-kick, and half-time saw the two sides locked at 2-2. This lasted until 90 minutes, and the game went to extra time.

In extra time, Sol Campbell scored a brilliant header, but the referee disallowed it because he felt Shearer had fouled Argentina goalkeeper Roa at the same time, with replays suggesting otherwise. In fact, England were literally still celebrating when Argentina took the free-kick quickly and tried to poach a winner at the other end, only to be denied as the English players rushed back. As such, the game went to penalties, and you’ve guessed it: we lost.

We were gutted. Angry, disappointed, dejected – you name it. To go out in such a way was deeply hurtful to us, and David Beckham was crucified back home. Diego Simeone was hardly looked on fondly by the English, but mainly everyone was livid with Beckham for having been so stupid. With 11 vs 11 we had looked the stronger team, and could have gone much farther into the tournament if not for young David’s folly. But despite this hurt, there were positives. Owen was proven now, and went on to win the Ballon d’Or in 2000. Beckham only ever came second in that, but the 1999 Manchester United treble must have helped him live with it. The British public were not quite ready to be so forgiving, but, we shall hear about that in 4 years time.

A = 2
B = 2
C = 2
D = 1

Korea / Japan ’02: Redemption

Leading into this tournament, the weight of expectation on England’s players had only grown since 1998, and now the squad boasted some of the best players in the world on paper in their positions. We were strong from top to bottom, with our front line led by Michael Owen, our midfield comprised of Beckham, Scholes, and an emerging Gerrard, our defense had an emerging Ferdinand, Campbell, Neville, and in goal we had a great-if-not-world-class goalkeeper in Seaman. In qualifying we had smashed Germany 5-1 in Munich (hat-trick for Owen), and were buoyed by this new level of performance.

We were finally ready. This one was gonna be the one. Finally we were going to bring the Cup home. Or so we hoped.

Unfortunately, the omens started when we were drawn into the Group of Death, alongside Nigeria (who were good back then), Sweden (of the Larsson generation) and our old friends…

…Argentina. This was becoming quite the pattern. There was much said about whether we could beat them, since they still had one of the best squads in the tournament themselves, and we were beginning to wonder if we were cursed to lose to them. The pressure on Beckham, by now our captain, became even huger.

But, we persevered, and held Sweden to a draw (1-1), before ridding ourselves of our demons by managing to defeat Argentina thanks to a penalty conceded by a certain Mauricio Pochettino, and converted by captain Beckham himself. The release of emotion from that man as he stood in front of the England fans, having finally redeemed himself after 4 years of blame and anger, was something I will never forget. We held on to win the game 1-0, and started to believe we could do it. But then we were held to another draw by Nigeria (0-0), and found ourselves coming second in the group. In the Round of 16 England faced Denmark, beating them 3-0, and then met our match in the QFs in the form of none other than mighty Brazil.

Now, going into this match, Brazil were not confident at all. Many of their players have said afterwards that going into the game they felt England were the better team, and that they were the underdogs. Imagine a time where Brazil felt they were the underdogs against England, eh? Nevertheless, this was a Brazil made up of Ronaldo in his prime, Roberto Carlos and Cafu in their prime, Rivaldo on a swansong, and of course the emergence of Ronaldinho himself, and they came to play.

England took the lead, thanks to Michael Owen (who else?), only for Rivaldo to equalize in first-half stoppage time. After the break, the game continued as a fine pace, until this happened:

That right there, which no-one saw coming except for Ronaldinho himself, ended up being the difference between them, and Brazil managed to squeeze past the team they had worried about, going on to win the title in the final against Germany (amazingly, the very first time these two nations had faced each other). England, for their part, went home disappointed, but proud at how we’d played against Argentina and Brazil, and able to hold out heads up somewhat high again.

A = 3
B = 3
C = 2
D = 1

Germany ’06: Penalty Heartbreak III and Seeing Red II

Once again, England was expecting. Four years ago we’d fallen short against Ronaldo and Ronaldinho’s Brazil, but had been one of the best teams of the tournament, and given them their hardest test. Now, following the full maturity of Gerrard, Beckham, Owen, Ferdinand etc, along with the emergence of Lampard, Terry, Cole and Rooney, we once more believed we had the squad to be hopeful of winning the Cup.

Two years before, we’d played well in Portugal’s Euro 2004, narrowly losing to France (2-1), thanks to two late free-kicks by Zidane, but otherwise blitzing our way through the rest of our group and going out on penalties (again) to the hosts. We finished that tournament as top scoring nation, so had every reason to believe that we could expect a repeat in 2006.

However, we struggled to make that quality count. We struggled to beat both Paraguay (1-0) and Trinidad & Tobago (2-0), and then could only draw against Sweden (2-2), who by now had an established Zlatan Ibrahimovic to call upon. Nevertheless, we were through, and in the Round of 16 we only just squeezed past Ecuador (1-0).

In the QFs, however is where it got interesting, as we were drafted to play Portugal, just as we had done only 2 years beforehand. By now we’d seen the rise of Cristiano Ronaldo into one of the best young players in the world, but he was well-known to us and our team thanks to him playing for Manchester United. Right from minute one, Ronaldo let his team-mate Rooney know what kind of night to expect:

Anyway, the game played out with both teams canceling each other out, for the most part, and unable to make a breakthrough. All this changed, however, in the second half, when this now famous moment happened:

As you can see, a foul was committed by Rooney, whereby he stamps accidentally upon Carvalho. Then, Ronaldo rushes over, demanded a card for it, causing Rooney to react badly and shove his supposed friend in outrage. To his (minor) credit, Ronaldo didn’t fall over, but when the referee saw this he took Rooney aside and gave him a straight red, much to the dismay of English hearts everywhere. Another controversial episode. Another moment of stupidity. Another red card. Another tournament chance perhaps slipping away…

But England held on. With 10 men they took the fight to Portugal, throwing everything at them, but to no avail, and when 90 minutes was up, they played until 120. Then, once again, England was taken to a penalty shoot-out, and once again they lost.

Agony for England, and while Rooney shouldn’t have shoved Ronaldo, this time English fans were more outraged by Ronaldo’s actions, seeing the wink he gave to his bench after it happened, and clearly perceiving that this had been the Portuguese’s intention all along. Portugal went on to lose to France, and England went home to a nation growing ever more tired and depressed by the manner in which we kept on exiting tournaments, continually at the mercy of a ref’s whistle and the schemes of their opponents.

Well, what could we do other than pick ourselves up, be glad of the talent we clearly had, and wait for another 4 years to try again. The tally is now up to:

A = 3
B = 3
C = 2 (maybe 3, tbh)
D = 2

South Africa ’10: Goal Line Technology

Another 4 years had passed., and in that time, English football was back at the top, at least in terms of club football. An English club had been in every Champions League final from 2005 to 2009, with a famous all-English final in 2008, and with FC Barcelona seemingly the only real threat that the PL clubs had. Our squad was more experienced and more accomplished than ever before, and now, surely, this was the time we would put it all together and make it all count, right?

Just for perspective, at the time of the World Cup in 2010, we had Rooney in his prime up front, Lampard and Gerrard in their primes in midfield, Cole, Terry, Ferdinand and Carragher in defense, as well as solid (if unspectacular) players filling out the rest of the XI and the bench. All of these names had seen multiple CL finals (or would do by 2012, for the Chelsea boys), and most of them had known each other now for years, so hopefully could turn it on.

The omens were good, at least in terms of our Group stage. We had a weak group to face, containing the USA, Algeria and Slovenia, none of which should have given us much trouble, and indeed in our first match we seemed comfortable and in control against the USA, scoring early and keeping them contained. But then this happened,

and we ended up drawing 1-1. The frustration began.

Then we failed to beat Algeria, finishing (0-0) after a game with a bus parked in front of the Algerian goal for 90 minutes, and only just managed to squeeze past Slovenia (1-0) when they tried to do the same bus-parking. But, all the same, as uninspiring as the football had been, we’d made it through to the knockouts again, and the tournament could really pick up.

Unfortunately for us, this meant facing Germany in the Round of 16, our old rivals, and a team we’d failed to beat in the last two tournament matches against them. They had an exciting young squad in contrast to our more seasoned, rigid one, and started the game well, taking the lead thanks to Klose, and doubling it up to 2-0 soon after. England, however, were not to be daunted, and they fought back, getting a goal from Matthew Upson. 2-1.

Frank Lampard then scored a fantastic goal, which you can see here as it clearly crosses the line:

A thing of beauty, and typical of what Frank had been doing for Chelsea for years. England had tied it up; they were back in it, and right before half-time, too.

But wait, the goal was disallowed. Why? Didn’t the ref see it cross the line? The entire stadium and everyone watching at home saw it, but apparently not one of the ref or his linesmen staff managed to spot this, or even ask for a video of the incident to check, and of course Neuer pretended it had not crossed too. The ref struck away England’s equalizer, and English hearts sank once more; once again the ref had turned the game for them.

As we know, Germany went on to score two more on the counter in the second half as England desperately tried to take the game to them, and England limped out of the stadium, having played well and earned their way back into the game, only for yet another crucial referee decision to break their hearts.

As for the clear error, well, FIFA said it was a shame, but that there were no grounds to consider using VAR in World Cups. It just isn’t what they wanted to do, they said.

Of course, when Ukraine score a legit goal against England 2 years later in the 2012 Euros, and it is incorrectly disallowed, FIFA suddenly decide that it’s a travesty of justice that should never happen again.

Funny that.

So, once again England went home to lick their wounds, and sigh at exiting yet another tournament under yet again controversial circumstances. 4 years is a long time to wait, to try again…

A = 3
B = 3
C = 3
D = 2

Brazil 2014: We Sucked.

We did. It was poor. It was bad. It was the worst World Cup I’ve ever seen from England, and yes, we flopped hard.

But here’s a nice place to stop and take our final tallies. Remember, the following stats from England’s mentioned tournaments are as follows:

A = number of times we went out to finalists, which was: 3
B = number of times we were knocked out by the winners: 3
C = number of times the ref made the objectively wrong call, screwing England over: 3
D = number of times England had to battle on with 10 men: 2

I don't call that 'flopping', aside from 1994 and 2014.

Hopefully, Kane and Co. can restore our pride once more!

Very good!

Ronaldinho (arguably the best player of that game) was shown red card at 57 mins and England couldn't equalize against 10 men Brazil in the remaining 30+ minutes?

Actually, I really tired of seeing this topic. I just commented because I wanted to point out the red card. You don't score until you score. Simple as that. We'll find out soon enough how far England will go in this WC. Can we stop this already?

Ronaldinho (arguably the best player of that game) was shown red card at 57 mins and England couldn't equalize against 10 men Brazil in the remaining 30+ minutes?

Apparently not. Did I say anywhere that England were hard-done by in 2002? Brazil won fair and square.

Can we stop this already?

I'm perfectly happy to talk about my national team, actually. :) Feel free to talk about yours.

Apparently not. Did I say anywhere that England were hard-done by in 2002? Brazil won fair and square.

What I pointed out is England got their chance but they couldn't capitalize it. If they don't take their chances, they only got themselves to blame for.

I agree. Brazil was the better team in the end, and were honestly one of the great Brazil sides. I'm still proud of how well we played against them, with that very fact in mind.

Exactly boring topic just like ronaldo vs messi too much thread about it.

I guess England are considered flop because of their last two finishes in Euros and WC. Bottom of their group in 2014 and didn't top the group in a rather easy group. Then went to Iceland, lost 2 1. Then all the Kane taking corners, manager mistakes.... You name it. That's why I'm counting them as dark horses, but I don't think they will make it past the quarters, which is decent I guess.

Maybe time for an update, eh?

2018 semi finalists with Kane taking the Golden Boot.

2020 finalists in the Euros.

What will 2022 bring us?

Probably nothing maybe another Semi's or Final. Who knows, if it's one thing I do understand is that the English press and English fans are a virus. They tend to over hype everything. Would be good for the players not so much for the deluded bunch of Brits who go around saying it's coming home 🤣🤣. It's England mate 🤭🤭.

Nah the English fans are fantastic, and just want to believe. Typically claims if 'overhype' are over exaggerated, and if you don't remember what the point of the It's Coming Home song is I guess there's nothing to say.

It was a song about how much everyone loved hosting Euro 1996, because it was the first time since 1966 that we'd hosted a tournament. Hence "it's coming home". We invented the game, so whenever we do get to host big international games it's a good celebration of that.

Nothing deluded about England fans cheering on their team. In fact it's often a really obnoxious, xenophobic class of people who hate England that perpetuate such a narrative.

Sadly those people killed this forum, so maybe the lesson has not yet been learned...

Will England win a trophy in 2022?

See? This place remains just a hive for hating England.

Enjoy your dead forum, fellas. 👍