Heyyyy guys, just wanted to brighten this website up even more with some jokes!!

I'll start off with a few:

Tom: Have you got any holes in your pants?
Tim: No, certainly not.
Tom: How do you get your legs through then?

Wife: How would you describe me?
Husband: ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: What does that mean?
Husband: Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous, Hot.
Wife: Awww thank you, but what about IJK?
Husband: I'm Just Kidding.

Q. What did the traffic light say to the motorist?
A. Don't look now i'm changing.

WTF Spurs?

Guy asked his friend: who won yesterday's match?
his friend said: no one, it ended 0-0.
then the guy said: and who got the first 0?

@Ramaboy YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Was that a forehead joke? lol man that killed me!

Speaking of foreheads

Reporter: Gervinho, what shampoo do you use?
Gervinho: Forehead and shoulders

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Poor Gervinho tho :(

ok guys sorry to waste your time but i have 30 useless jokes here.

1-
Things to do:

1. Change ipod name to 'titanic'
2. titanic is syncing press cancel
3. feel like a hero.

2-
boy whispers to his mom during a wedding
boy: "Mommy?"
mom: "What?"
boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?"
mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life."
boy: "... so why is the boy dressed in black?"

3-

1. are reading this.
2. U are human.
3. ​U can't say letter ''P'' without separating your lips.
4. ​U just attempted do do it.
5. ​U are laughing at yourself.
6. ​U have a smile on your face and you just skipped No.53
7. ​U just checked to see if there is a No.5345
8. ​U laugh at this because you are an idiot & everyone does it too.3
9. ​U are probably going to send this or show this to others to see who else falls for this..

4-
A couple is driving...
Cop: Sir, you realize that you were speeding.

Husband: Im sorry officer, I didnt know.
Wife: Thats a lie Ive been telling him for miles!!
Husband: Shut up!! Shut ​THE F​ up!! No one is talking to you!!
Cop: Ok then, did you know that your license plate was expired?
Husband: No Officer, I didnt know.
Wife: He's LYING​​!! I've been telling him for months!!
Husband: Shut ​the F ​UP ​idiot ​nobody's talking to you!!!
cop walks over to the wife's side and says
Cop: Mam, does he always talk to you this way?
Wife: No. only when he's drunk.

5-
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried. Then he hugged my sister & me.

6-
"Why are you so quiet?"
Me: "Well, nobody plans a murder out loud, do they?"

7.
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog ​poop.
A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing.
I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.

8.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

​9.
To do list:

1. Buy a sword
2. Name it Kindne​ss
3. Kill people with Kindness

10.
Me: I know a guy that sounds like an owl.
Friend: Who?

​11.
​Coach: Okay class, today we are going to play a game. When I say a fruit, you run to the right side of the court. And when I say a color, you run to the left side of the court. got it?
Class: Got it.
Coach: Okay... Ready, set... ORANGE!

​12.
​​Teacher: Can you explain why you failed the test?
Me: Can you explain me why you fail to educate?

13.
​Boy: hey I just saw you on t.v last night.
Friend: really?!?!?! what channel?!?!?
Boy: Animal planet

14.
​Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I bet you were expecting something funny but no,
This is just gardening facts..

​15.
​Math teacher: I have five bottles in one hand and six in the other. What do I have?
Me: A drinking problem

​16.
have you done all these?
​1) Walked into a room, forgot what you needed, walked out and then remembered.
2) When you where younger, drew the sun in the corner of the paper
3) When you were little, thought the shape of a real heart was actually​ ​♥​​
4) Closed the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
5) Tried to balance the light, between the on and off.

​17.
​washing car
Neighbor: You washing your car?
Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus..​

18.
​Teacher- Did you do your homework?
Student - Did you grade my test?
Teacher - I have other students' tests to grade.
Student - I have other teachers' homework to do.

​​

​19.
​BRITISH ACCENT: Justin Biebah.
AMERICAN: Justin Biebur.
AUSTRALIAN: Jastin Beybah.

​20.
​When someone says'' EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED'' slap them hard in the face and say ''YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT, DID YOU?''

​21.
​​i need to tell you something but please dont cheat.

(I Know that you would cheat now because I told you no to..)

(...But seriously don't!​)​

​[1] I need to tell you a secret look at 5

[2] The answer is look at 11

[3] Don't get mad look at 15

[4] Calm down don't be mad look at 13

[5] First look at 2

[6 ]Don't get that angry look at 12

[7] I just wanted to tell​ you that you probably cheated and looked here before I told you to

[8] What I wanted to tell you is.. LOOK AT 14

[9] Be patient look at 4

[10] This is the last time I'm going to do this look at 7

[11] I hope you're not mad when I say this..look at 6

[12] Sorry look at 8

[13] Don't get mad at me the thing is..look at 10

[14] I don't know how to say this..look at 3

[15] You must be really mad look at number 9

​22.
I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in a​ freakin​ elevator​!​

23.
Texting
Me: Mom I got an A in Chem!
Mom: WTF well done!
Me: Mom, what do you think wtf means?
Mom: Well that's fantastic

​24.
​Me: Dad I'm hungry
Dad: Hi Hungry I'm dad
Me: Dad, I'm serious
Dad: No, you're hungry
Me: You're joking!
Dad: No, I'm dad
Me: UGH! >

​25.
TEXTING
BF: hey babe​.
​GF: hey I have a present for you!
BF: cool. What is it? :D
GF: You'll see in 9 months ;)
BF: cool. so did you like order it overseas? :D
GF: -.-

​26.
Mom: Go clean your room!​
​Me: But its MY room.
Mom: And this is MY house.
Me: Then you go clean it.

​27.
Teacher: Why did you not study?

Student: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year, hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday.

​28.
I hate it when you're sitting in the cinema ready to watch a movie and the next thing you know BOOM. Human giraffe sits in front of you.

​29.
Parents: ​​"We need to talk.​​"​​
Me: Million things run through my mind. What did they find out about?
Parents: "Stop leaving the lights on."

​30.​
A school receives a telephone call.
Principal: "Hello"
Unknown: 'My daughter won't be in school today."
Principal: "May I ask who this is?"
Unknown: ​​"This is my mother speaking.​​"​

hahahahahahah great jokes liomessi10

They are sooooooooooooo funny!!!!!! LMAO!!!! Nice 1 liomessi10!!!!!!!!
LOL! :) :D

I don't mean to offend anyone when I say this.

Q: Why do brides wear white on their wedding day?

@Eden17 So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove. ;D

(I have to admit I found the answer on the web though. Sorry for stealing your thunder.)

Pretty much Emobot, all household appliances are white :D

no.4 is good :D