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Soccer is Un-American, according to Ann Coulter
TheGame 10 years ago Edited
Manchester United 104 1380

I've never despised anyone the way I did Ann Coulter after reading this poor excuse of a column article. People like her are one of the many reasons why football is taking such a long time gaining a proper foothold in the US. She seriously believes that the sport doesn't represent "individuality" like NBA or NFL. She has probably never watched a single game in her entire life.


AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

-Ann Coulter


2
  • History
Showing previous versions of this text.

I've never despised anyone the way I did Ann Coulter after reading this poor excuse of a column article. People like her are one of the many reasons why football is taking such a long time gaining a proper foothold in this country. She seriously believes that the sport doesn't represent "individuality" like NBA or NFL. She has probably never watched a single game in her entire life. Please do not read if you want to retain all of your IQ points.

AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER
I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.<a></a>

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

I've never despised anyone the way I did Ann Coulter after reading this poor excuse of a column article. People like her are one of the many reasons why football is taking such a long time gaining a proper foothold in this country. She seriously believes that the sport doesn't represent "individuality" like NBA or NFL. She has probably never watched a single game in her entire life. Please do not read if you want to retain all of your IQ points.


AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade -- or about the length of the average soccer game -- so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game -- and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear -- again -- about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

-Ann Coulter


Comments
ashwin1729 10 years ago
Manchester United, England 10 705

Well, someone needs to educate her how kicking an oval shaped ball after scoring and throwing for most of the game qualifies as football and not handball or throwball. This is a biased article, and as far as I am concerned, there is only one football.I'm glad this is not the view most of my american buddies have....

0
raimondo90 10 years ago
Valencia, Argentina 89 2492

This last most have only witness 10 year olds playing in community teams. It's not even worth it to talk about someone that's so closed off to the idea of the sport. Football in the US is really in fact catching on and you see more ad more development.

0
DrunkenMonkey 10 years ago
West Ham United, England 16 204

whats wrong with beyonce

0
KingHenry 10 years ago
Arsenal, France 44 1362

Read that already earlier this week, and after reading it I had a strong urge to punch that woman and her readers in the face

0
Mastertice1 10 years ago
Barcelona, Brazil 1 79

too long, did not read

0
tiki_taka 10 years ago Edited
Barcelona, France 367 9768

I loved the racist view at the end claiming that only immigrants and their children could love soccer in US, saying that Football is a stupid sport only loved by immigrants ( who are mostly stupid in her opinion )...
Another arrogant and closed minded a**hole claiming that what she is used to it, should be applied to everyone...

147cm = 1.47m aproximatively 1.5 metters, if she cant visualize it then she should return back to school, and not the biased US school.

And wtf talking about French revolution and commiting mass murders ? Not even shocked by his view, she seems to belong to the establishement and have Bourgois thought as the people that time took their freedom from the King and his arrogant court...

Now, this is a propagand anti-Football in the US, other federations of sports there does not like the success of Football in their country and try to influence people to hate Football.
The critics arround FIFA lately by US media werent for free, Some big heads are behind this, i found it odd to see them making objective critics against Fifa, i' ve asked my self why the hell they did their job correctly while nobody is doing it elsewhere ?

Well, they have a reason and she couldnt hide it on his load of BS.

0
  • History
Showing previous versions of this text.

I loved the racist view at the end claiming that only immigrants and their children could love soccer in US, saying that Football is a stupid sport only loved by immigrants ( who are mostly stupid in her opinion )...
Another arrogant and closed minded a**hole claiming that what she is used to it, should be applied to everyone...

147cm = 1.47m aproximatively 1.5 metters, if she cant visualize it then she should return back to school, and not the biased US school.

And wtf talking about French revolution and commiting mass murders ? Not even shocked by his view, she seems to belong to the establishement and have Bourgois thought as the people that time took his freedom from the King and his arrogant court...

Now, this is a propagand anti-Football in the US, other federations of sports there does not like the success of Football in their country and try to influence people to hate Football.
The critics arround FIFA lately by US media werent for free, Some big heads are behind this, i found it odd to see them making objective critics against Fifa, i' ve asked my self why the hell they did their job correctly while nobody is doing it elsewhere ?

Well, they have a reason and she couldnt hide it on his load of BS.

Zakzook 10 years ago
Arsenal, Syria 32 785

I will always repeat this:
There are more possibilities of things to happen in a free kick in European football than there is in the whole of American football and baseball combined.

0
Zakzook 10 years ago
Arsenal, Syria 32 785

I have to say this women is beyond retarded, I just read the whole thing and holycrap how is she a journalist? I swear she sounds like an internet troll.

0
Lodatz 10 years ago
Tottenham Hotspur, England 150 4992

LOL. It's Ann Coulter, guys. She's professionally stupid.

0
Heisinburg 10 years ago
Manchester United 67 1516

If you know Ann Coulter outside of this article, then you should already know that she epitomizes the definition of the word 'Hater'. Oh well, at least there's one bitch of a politician with the guts to entertain while working for the government.

0
knibis 10 years ago
Valencia, Sweden 181 2500

my heart is beating too fast reading this... im gonna explode

0
Lodatz 10 years ago Edited
Tottenham Hotspur, England 150 4992

@Heisinburg: Ann Coulter... does not work for the government... O.o

She's simply a right-wing loudmouth pundit who typically says things which are ridiculous so that she gets media attention.

Y'know, exactly like in this case. ;)

She's essentially a media troll. Not worth getting worked up about.

0
  • History
Showing previous versions of this text.

@Heisinburg: Ann Coulter... does not work for the government... O.o

She's simply a right-wing loudmouth pundit who typically says things which are ridiculous so that she gets media attention.

Y'know, exactly like in this case. ;)

Heisinburg 10 years ago
Manchester United 67 1516

Oops, haha. Maybe I don't know her too well, but I know that she's famous these sorts of articles, hence I've watched a lot of her stuff on YouTube.

0
TheGame 10 years ago
Manchester United 104 1380

@Heiseburg, like Lodatz said, she is just a right-wing conservative nutcase who thrives on sensationalism to get attention.

0
SternDesSuedens 10 years ago
Bayern Munich, Germany 9 317

this has to be satire lol.

0
Mainzfeldski 10 years ago
1 461

The article gave me a good laugh, haha.

0
Dephased 10 years ago Edited
Arsenal, United States 12 501

Ann Coulter is a idiotic conservative republican. Its no point in taking these people seriously. The only people within the republican party who is to be taken seriously is libertarians. Having moved to the United States a while ago I have experienced the idiocy of these people.

0
  • History
Showing previous versions of this text.

Ann Coulter is a idiotic conservative republican. Its no point in taking these people seriously. The only people within the republican party who is to be taken seriously is libertarians.