I pasted this delightfully written epic history of Arsenal by Mark Slatford.
Source: http://www.welcometothegunnerstown.com/arsenal/2012/7/12/ye-kingdom-of-arsenal.html?lastPage=true&postSubmitted=true

"Once upon a time there was a Mighty
Kingdom called Arsenal and the Ruler of this Kingdom was a Nobleman
called Peter of Hill-Wood.

Peter had a great Army who wore Red and his army were a great Army.

The Red Army battled valiantly to uphold
the ethics and good that the Kingdom was founded on many years ago in
the South of London and these values helped the Kingdom grow, in fact,
the Kingdom grew so successful that it was forced to expand and finally
relocate to the barren Lands to the North, which was home to a rather
noisy underdeveloped Kingdom known as Tottenham with a ragtag band of
Soldiers Known then as the Lillywhites. 

Through the years the Red Army won many
battles and helped to keep the loyal subjects of Arsenal happy. Battles
were fought with many won and a few lost. Many Commanders and foot
soldiers were etched into history with tales of bravery, skill and
commitment. A complete opposite to the neighbours Tottenham who were
poor and desperate.

Loyal subjects would tell their children
tales of old, children would be sit open eyed as they heard stories of
when Commander Chapmen led his team to victory over all enemies before
him, the time that Bertie of Mee won two major battles in the 70's or
when

Commander Graham bravely took his Army
North to the town of Scouse, where he slayed the enemy in front of its
own people. But of all the stories, the children’s favourite tale was
that of recent times when a dashing French Commander arrived from the
Land of the Rising Sun.

He was handpicked by Peter of Hill-Wood’s
most trusted advisor - David of Dein - and his name was Arsene and this
bespecled leader became a great Commander.

His arrival in the Kingdom was at a time
when the Kingdom had lost its way & the loyal subjects were down,
the previous Commander was Rioch the Bruce and he ruled with an iron
fist, however this was not to the liking of the Soldiers and there was
distain in the ranks. The Army was losing battles, so a change was
needed.

This duly came & with the new guard
came fine continental soldiers in the shape of Patrick of
Senegal and Little Emmanuelle. This set about a change in the Army and
soon a new Gard called Remy joined (although this was most probably as
translator). The new Guard (Not Gard) were embraced by the current
bastion & soon the Army reaped its rewards.

Under Rioch the Bruce some of the Army
had lost its way choosing to drink Ale rather than sharpen its fighting
skills, but soon under Arsene’s wing the Army became one & conquered
all around. Knights clambered to join with legends being made. Famous
battles won and everything was wonderful. The army were invincible."

lol the 3rd paragraph made me laugh so hard i vomited