SunFlash
8 years ago
Manchester United.
Huehuehue
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SunFlash
8 years ago
Manchester United.
Huehuehue
liomessi10
8 years ago
Edited
That is SPOT ON!!!
liomessi10
8 years ago
liomessi10
8 years ago
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland’
The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’
The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!’
About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’
‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’
liomessi10
8 years ago
Edited
1:
Q: What computer sing the best?
A: A dell
2:
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
3:
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
4:
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
5:
Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
6:
Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."
7:
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."
8:
Q: What's the difference between the England National Team and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
9:
Three football teams (Arsenal, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsenal says, "I think we might go hungry..."
10:
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
11:
Things I know about you:
12:
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog poop. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
13:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I bet you were expecting something funny but no,
This is just gardening facts..
14:
have you done all these?
1) Walked into a room, forgot what you needed, walked out and then remembered.
2) When you where younger, drew the sun in the corner of the paper
3) When you were little, thought the shape of a real heart was actually ♥
4) Closed the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
5) Tried to balance the light, between the on and off.
15:
washing car
Neighbor: You washing your car?
Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus..
16:
I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in a fuckin lift!
Q: What computer sing the best?
A: A dell
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."
Q: What's the difference between the England National Team and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
Three football teams (Arsenal, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsenal says, "I think we might go hungry..."
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
Things I know about you:
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog poop. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I bet you were expecting something funny but no,
This is just gardening facts..
have you done all these?
1) Walked into a room, forgot what you needed, walked out and then remembered.
2) When you where younger, drew the sun in the corner of the paper
3) When you were little, thought the shape of a real heart was actually ♥
4) Closed the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
5) Tried to balance the light, between the on and off.
washing car
Neighbor: You washing your car?
Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus..
I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in a fuckin elevator!
1:
Q: What computer sing the best?
A: A dell
2:
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
3:
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
4:
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
5:
Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?” One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.” "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
6:
Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."
7:
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parents' names?" The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling." The teacher said, "Are you kidding?" The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking."
8:
Q: What's the difference between the England National Team and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
9:
Three football teams (Arsenal, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsenal says, "I think we might go hungry..."
10:
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
11:
Things I know about you:
12:
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog poop. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
13:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sunflowers are yellow,
I bet you were expecting something funny but no,
This is just gardening facts..
14:
have you done all these?
1) Walked into a room, forgot what you needed, walked out and then remembered.
2) When you where younger, drew the sun in the corner of the paper
3) When you were little, thought the shape of a real heart was actually ♥
4) Closed the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
5) Tried to balance the light, between the on and off.
15:
washing car
Neighbor: You washing your car?
Me: No. Im watering it to see if it grows into a bus..
16:
I was bored so I said "Wow, that's a weird place to put a piano." You wouldn't believe how many people looked around for a piano. I was in a fuckin lift!
Emobot7
8 years ago
Lio, you are like, the master of savage joke, or at least, you are pretty good at digging them up. XD
Wolfie
8 years ago
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
Attire.
chelsea8
8 years ago
quikzyyy
8 years ago
arsenal
Emobot7
8 years ago
@quikzyyy Basically, we would have to delete your comment if you weren't an Arsenal fan. :P But cheer up man, you still have a FA Cup to look up to. Not something City or Liverpool can boast. :)
liomessi10
8 years ago
i spend most of my bored time on the interent reading jokes on pinterest or on teenagerpost
tuan_jinn
8 years ago
Hahahahahahaha @liomessi10: LOVE THOSE!
DarioUtd
8 years ago
@liomessi10: Absolutely awesome bro!! Keep it up!! :)
amir_keal
8 years ago
Teacher: "Why are you so late?"
Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."
Story of my life lol.
Eden17Hazard17
8 years ago
I saw this joke a while ago. Don't take it seriously.
Q:
Who are the best left-backs in Europe?
A:
Marcelo Vieira, left-back in Spain.
David Alaba, left-back in Germany.
Patrice Evra, left-back in Italy.
Madeleine McCann, left-back in Portugal.
Emobot7
8 years ago
@Eden17 Brutal. :S
Wolfie
8 years ago
Hi people!
If anyone got any good jokes they would be willing to share, go for it!!
Sorry i haven't got any at the moment, but i'll share some when i find a few!! Lol!
Lets have a laugh and keep them clean-ish!! Hehehe :D #KeepSmiling #SmileMore !! :)