Miserable United: Haaland Barely Noticed the Difference Between Moldova and Manchester United

Today bitter enemies, tomorrow companions in misery. The only thing separating the two Manchester clubs at the moment is the trajectory of their decline. United have been stuck in quicksand ever since Sir Alex Ferguson stepped away, barely keeping their nose above the surface. City, meanwhile, stumbled after several triumphant marathons and now can’t quite find their balance. Two clubs, two different downfalls.

And yet, both fanbases cling to the same promise: “things will get better soon.” Rúben Amorim tried to sell United fans the idea of brighter days ahead — though oddly enough, that new era seemed to start with a defeat to League Two’s Grimsby Town in the Carabao Cup. Pep Guardiola, on the other hand, points to his past titles as proof that his machine is still intact.

Both clubs, however, looked desperate on deadline day for a new No. 1. Errors from James Trafford and André Onana raised alarm bells, forcing United to bring in young Senne Lammens and City to sign Gianluigi Donnarumma. Unlike his counterpart, the Italian went straight into the starting lineup.

The cautious chess match broke open thanks to a burst of energy from Jérémy Doku. The Belgian winger danced past defenders, whipped in a cross, and Phil Foden — without a league goal since January — headed it home.

On social media, fans joke about United being Robin Hood, but the comparison is flawed. The folk hero robbed the rich to give to the poor — United are generous with everyone. Foden, drowning in criticism and self-doubt, finally breathed again. And all it took was a gift from the neighbors.

Amorim has spent weeks trying to install a pressing game, but his high line refuses to sync with the tempo. City, despite their injury crisis, played simpler football, less desperate, and ultimately found the winning rhythm. United, as usual, delivered a funeral march.

The second half brought back Erling Haaland, fresh off scoring five against Moldova with Norway. The striker carried the same ease into this derby, punishing United with a brace. First, he broke through and beat Altay Bayındır after another Doku assist. Then he slipped in behind again and coolly finished past the Turkish keeper.

For Donnarumma, expecting a stormy Premier League baptism, it was a quiet evening. United managed 11 attempts, but only two tested him — and even those posed no real trouble. Unlike in Guardiola’s usual setup, he barely needed to link up with his defenders.

So with half their squad in the treatment room, makeshift fullbacks like 20-year-old midfielder Nico O’Reilly and inconsistent center-back Abdukodir Khusanov, a keeper still adjusting to English football, and a winger who hadn’t scored since January — City still slapped their rivals around. Tonight, at least, Pep gets to smile.

Published by Patrick Jane
15.09.2025